I have to admit that I never liked sitting. It is
boring. Just sitting there for hours? Why not go out and have a coffee with a
friend? Go see a movie, take a walk, or read a book. Any of this would be
better than sitting for hours with nothing to do.
I come from a traditional Chinese Buddhist family.
There were many ceremonies and lots of chanting. I grew up loving the rise and
fall in the voices of the congregation. Someone would run out of breath, and
another would swoop in to fill the gap. The drums, bells, and gongs built
intricate but predictable rhythms. The food offerings, the flowers, the
incense, and the graceful monks. All of these sights, sounds, and smells
nourished my young spirit.
There was no silent sitting until I encountered Zen
in my first year of university. The Yale Buddhist chaplain is an early student
of Zen Master Seung Sahn. So I learned the Kwan Um School of Zen forms:
sitting, chanting, and bowing. I liked the physicality of the bows, and
chanting came naturally to me, but I struggled with sitting. During the worst
of it, sitting felt like prison. All that I wanted was to hear the chugpi
release me.
When I moved from Los Angeles to Hong Kong two
years ago, I joined our Hong Kong sangha and immediately liked Zen better!
There was so much chanting! I could come at 7 a.m. for morning
chanting, come back at 3:30 p.m. for kido chanting, and again
at 6:30 p.m. for evening chanting. I joined as many chanting sessions
as I could and did my best to avoid sitting.
Two years later, without my awareness, the
intensive kido practice has built up my sitting stamina. The stillness and
sameness of repeating the Great Dharani over and over again thousands of times
has helped me taste “enough mind.” Sitting is enough. Chasing after fun
isn’t as necessary anymore. Another key was learning to relax and breathe
properly. Once I could relax my body and slow down my breath, sitting became
enjoyable.
Still, when I couldn’t come to the zen center, I wasn’t
sitting. I was bowing and chanting on my own, but not sitting. Two weeks ago,
in a kong-an interview with Andrzej JDPSN, he gently said to me: “You need to
sit every day, even if only for ten minutes. Sitting gives you insights.” His
speech hit me. Right! Siddhartha attained enlightenment while sitting. This is
the ancient source of wisdom, the best form for looking deeply inside and
asking what is this. Okay, I should sit.
Once I started to sit more, it became clear how
important the the full package is. Bowing, chanting, sitting, and kong-an
interviews - each is essential, and none could be discarded.
Bowing gives us energy and clears our mind. Through
it, we can slowly put down our ego and learn humility. Chanting helps us find
harmony and encourages us to put down our likes and dislikes. Sitting
cultivates stillness and grants us access to our original wisdom. Kong-an
interviews keep us on the right path and give our teachers opportunities to
teach us. I used to be terrified of kong-an interviews, but after going in for
a few more, I realized that there was nothing to fear. Trust me, our teachers
are very kind.
Try, try, try for ten
thousand years. May we all practice hard, find our true nature, and save all beings. May all beings one day walk this path.Minh N. Tran
